


If You Meet Your Doppelgänger, Either of You Are Going to Die Within Two Years

by Ki_no_Shirayuki



Series: Gintama Chromatic Chronicles [6]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Androgyny, Bishounen, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Doppelganger, Drug Dealing, Embedded Images, Feminist Themes, Gen, Humor, Japanese Mythology & Folklore, Mad Science, Mad Scientists, Misogyny, Modeling, Parody, Perversion, References to Drugs, Sexual Harassment, Sexual Humor, Suggestive Themes, WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-03-10 22:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13511235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ki_no_Shirayuki/pseuds/Ki_no_Shirayuki
Summary: Gintama Chromatic Chronicles entry #6: Green.He is the Prince, Katsura is the Pauper. That man is practically a clone of Katsura, only prettier, more successful and very much shrouded in mystery.Set afterPurple Background.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before we begin: Read the myth of the [Katsura-otoko](http://yokai.com/katsuraotoko/).

It was as though the universe was out to make Katsura's life miserable in that single morning. First, he was out of hair gel. Then, on his way to get breakfast, he tripped and hit his knee. Then he was refused service at Ikumatsu's shop because he left his wallet home. Then Elizabeth gave him a sign reading YOU ARE AN IDIOT written in red ink. Then at Joui headquarters, he was immediately swarmed by his comrades who attacked him with a barrage of angry questions and tears and accusations that he somehow "stole their wives." At this point, Katsura lost it and singlehandedly knocked everyone over as though kami-sama above (in other words, the author) granted him the power of Kame Hameha.

"Will all of you sit the hell down and shut the hell up?" he roared, "What on Earth is wrong? What makes you think I've done such a horrible thing?!"

One of them handed him an issue of Voguette Japan fashion magazine, the enemy of traditional kimono houses everywhere. Right on the cover was Katsura, or rather someone looking undeniably like Katsura, in a luscious, multi-layered green kimono that was partially inspired by the _jūnihitoe._ He was posing on a crescent moon, long dark hair and green robes flowing in all the most visually appealing ways, the garment even slightly falling off the shoulders. To top it off, his head was thrown back, his lips open as though caught in pleasure. Such a sensual image was it that Katsura found himself slightly heated, even though he didn't identify as gay or in any way sexually attracted to men. "It's definitely your name! Here, look!" his comrade pointed to the largest name printed on the cover, which had the kanji for Katsura. Katsura looked at the name once, and twice, and tossed the magazine to the floor before grabbing said comrade by the collar.

"You idiot! Didn't you fucking see it was two kanji? This is Katsura- _otoko_ 桂男, not Katsura, damn it! Can't you fucking read? I'm very disappointed in you. Learn kanji again for another one-hundred years before you talk to me again! As for the rest of you…"

Everyone else immediately ran for their lives, as they knew they had incurred the Legendary Wrath of Katsura Kotarou.

* * *

Later that day, while shopping at a convenience store for lunch, Katsura was still not any less pissed. Those idiots, making an embarrassing kanji mistake like that. He had to write all over them until their clothes as well as their entire body reeked of ink in order to teach them a lesson. He was too carried away in his angry thoughts while pondering over the multitude of bentō and onigiri before him until he heard someone next to him.

" _Ara_ , look at you. A grumpy, disheveled mess. You must be having a bad day, I assume?"

"Shut up." Katsura indignantly responded.

"Oh dear, have you run out of hair gel? Your hair looks like it desperately needs it. By the look on your face, it seems you were also lightly injured, got into an awkward situation, insulted by your close friend and wrongfully accused by your subordinates. Isn't that right?"

"I said, shut up!" Katsura lost his cool and was about to launch a blow to the stranger's face, when he stopped dead in his track.

The stranger looked exactly like him.

" _Ara_ , what an unexpected surprise!" the stranger said, forcefully grabbing and squeezing Katsura's face, "But what the hell are you wearing? Orange obi with blue kimono, really? Tut-tut-tut, this is a crime against fashion!"

"But you're wearing the exact same thing, bastard." Katsura said dryly, voice muffled from a squeezed face. Immediately, the other man released him, face registering shock and offense.

" _Ara_ , have you just insulted my clothing? This obi isn't orange, it's _tangerine_! You may think a slight difference in color doesn't matter, but it does. _Every bit_. If I didn't know this, then I would have never been on the cover of Voguette! I am truly disgusted by your stupidity. I'm telling you, there's no way you're going to get laid being such a pathetic idiot. Simply unacceptable!"

"You know what else is unacceptable?" Katsura replied, a dark edge to his voice, "That you are the actual reason my comrades make a fuss over the magazine cover and make that stupid kanji mistake. You are definitely going to pay for this." he smirked, "Get yourself and your sass out of my sight, or you'll feel sorry."

Katsura-otoko simply gave a haughty "hmph!" noise before half-walking, half-sashaying out of the store. Meanwhile, Katsura tried to pretend the entire ordeal never took place and went to the cashier to pay for his lunch, when he noticed something.

Katsura-otoko had left behind his wallet.


	2. Chapter 2

" _Ara_ , looks like I forgot my wallet. Damn it, I have important business to attend to!" Katsura-otoko said to himself, "Those high-class courtesans must be dying waiting for me! Oh, my sweet, sweet babes. I can't keep them waiting, but I still need my wallet! Oh, I'm sorry, my ladies!" that said, he turned in the opposite direction and was about to make for the convenience store where he and Katsura (oh fuck it, from this point on I'm calling him Zura) met when he felt a sharp yank from behind, and someone pulling him in another direction that the one he intended.

"What the…" he turned around as the soles of his sandals grated on the road. It was no one other than Elizabeth dragging him.

 _Thank gods I found you,_  he signed. _You said we are supposed to visit Gintoki at 3 PM, and now we're half an hour late! There's no time to waste!_

"But…" Katsura-otoko uttered.

_No buts!_

"But what the hell are you? A walking condom?" within mere seconds, he regained his demeanor again, flicking his hair even though he was still being ruthlessly dragged, "A blight against beauty like you can go drag anyone else around the city, but _not_ me! A god of beauty such as I cannot be seen alongside an abom…"

Elizabeth whacked him upside the head with his signboard, and he blacked out.

* * *

His consciousness returned when Elizabeth tossed him to the floor in front of the Yorozuya Gin-chan apartment. _Damn it, this stupid walking condom,_  he thought, getting back on his feet and wiping away dirt on his clothes. _I'm definitely going to torture the hell out of this thing as soon as I get back to the…_ his thoughts were stopped when the door slid open, and Shinpachi was greeting them.

"Oh, it's Katsura-san and Elizabeth!" he said.

 _Sorry for our lateness,_ Elizabeth signed, but before Shinpachi could answer or welcome them in, Katsura-otoko already flounced inside. His eyes scanned all over Shinpachi, from top to toe, " _Ara_ , what on Earth am I seeing? I can eat unflavored rice and stale bread and still it would be less plain than this!" he pinched Shinpachi's cheeks, "The only thing I get from your boring attire and boring face is just that! Boring! Boring looks and a boring personality! Look, I'd be much more interested in talking to your glasses than to you. You must be super boring in bed too. I bet whatever's inside your hakama is just as boring as the rest of you, size and taste, as well as…"

" _Katsura-san_!" face red from the blatant bluntness, Shinpachi yelled, "What is wrong with you? This is sexual harassment! Why are you suddenly acting like this?"

"Yo, what's the commotion?" Gintoki stepped in, one finger in his nose.

"You see, Gin-san, Katsura-san is suddenly acting very strange." not waiting for Shinpachi to finish, Katsura-otoko immediately left him and bounced over to Gintoki.

" _A~ra_ , this is what I call Epic Fashion Fail of the year! That, and Epic Hair Fail too. Oh, that hair! Every single barber shop on the planet hates you!" he cooed, drawing his voice out even longer than before, causing Gintoki to be very much infuriated, but he kept his composure, "Don't tell me your hair is also this abominable down there! It would be awkward as hell getting it on with that, now would it? Are you a virgin? I bet…"

"Hey, Zura." Gintoki interrupted him before his words got any lewder, "Quit that rambling. This is a T-rated fic. What the hell has gotten to your head today? Why are you calling yourself _boku_ all of a sudden? Watched too many harem anime? Hate to admit it, but looks like your voice actor is actually performing in accordance with his forte now."

"Don't talk about voice actors here, this is fan fiction. Who needs watching harem anime when I'm already a harem lead? Want me to tell you the number of babes who fall head-over-heels for me?" he got an _I'll pass_ from both Gintoki and Shinpachi, "'Sides, what did you just call me earlier? A wig? Oh, you hurt me so. Well, I suppose you're just jealous of my perfect hair, so I forgive you." he flicked his admittedly perfect hair, only short of flying in slow-motion and throwing sparkles everywhere everytime it was flicked, "I can tell why you're so grumpy. Your doctor has forbidden you from eating sweets _for the 48th time_ , hasn't he?"

 _How does he know that?_ Gintoki thought. "No, seriously, what drugs are you on?"

" _Ara_ , drugs? What are you talking about?" he asked, shocked. Right then, Kagura turned on the TV, and the news could be heard.

"Effort has been made to stop the Paradise drug dealers as they re-emerged after being dismantled. The drug this time is a new and improved version of the original, called Everlasting Paradise. So far, numerous dealers have been arrested, but the one behind this as well as the original Paradise dealing, who is also the creator of Paradise, is still missing. The only clue to his identity is the symbol his henchmen wore, a capital S decorated with two flowers."

Katsura-otoko vanished within the blink of an eye, much to everybody's surprise.


	3. Chapter 3

__

_Where the hell did that guy go? Better take this to his home._ Zura thought, exiting the store, Katsura-otoko's wallet in hand. He planned to look through it to find his address, but before he could even snap its button open, he was immediately accosted by two complete strangers. The taller and more muscular of the two immediately slung him over his big shoulder and carrying him away as if he were a game animal just caught from the jungle, effectively making a spectacle of themselves, "What… what the hell?" he yelped.

"'What the hell' my ass!" said the other person, a busty bespectacled woman, "Katsura-sama, what did I tell you about skipping work? Your schedule is packed, there's no time to play! Don't think getting on Voguette means you can run off to fool around with courtesans any time you want! You still have important cover shoots for Ella and Glamouria as well as a big fashion show coming up! If they know about your chronic work-skipping syndrome, they'll boot you off immediately, and how can you continue your 'secret business' then? You need to take your work more seriously, damn it!"

"But…"

"No buts!"

"But how do you know my name?" Zura asked as he was brought to a sleek black limo right around the street corner.

"You're high." the woman said, opening the limo door, letting her underling rudely throw Zura inside before getting in and slamming the door shut. The big man got into the driver's seat, and the long vehicle started moving.

(A/n: the next day, the majority of magazines and tabloids around Japan had the picture of Zura slung over the big man's shoulder and then thrown into the limo with the title, "Embarrassing moment of the year: new Voguette cover model and his dedicated bodyguard". To add insult to the injury, the articles all said something like "It's amazing how he got into such a situation and still looked sexy doing it")

"My my, look at you. I can't believe a fashion aficionado like Katsura-sama would prance around in a crappy get-up like this! _Tangerine_ obi with blue kimono! Seriously! If this doesn't mean you're high, then I don't know what does." the woman said, shaking her head and sighing in disappointment.

"Not tangerine, it's orange." Zura plainly replied.

"That's even _worse_!" she yelled so loudly, sending Zura into brief panic.

"I'm terribly, sincerely sorry… erm…" he stuttered.

" _Niniko_! For the one hundred fifty-eighth time, I am Niniko, _Kushifuru Niniko_ , your manager-cum-fiancée! When are you going to remember my damn name?"

"Kushifuru-san…"

At that, Niniko reacted as though Zura had just told her dinosaurs were still alive. "You aren't just high, you're so high you're practically in orbit! Why are you getting formal with me now? Normally you never respect me! You always treat me like garbage, you keep comparing me to other girls and you never remember my name! Speaking of which, when am I going to be allowed to work with you in the l…"

"Please, listen to me." Zura pleaded, "I apologize, but I'm not the Katsura you're looking for. I'm…"

"Of course you aren't." that said, Niniko jammed a bottle of Calpis into Zura's mouth, and no more was said.

* * *

The car stopped in front of a studio; Zura refused to get off, at which Niniko ordered the driver to forcibly carry him like he did before. At this point, Zura already stopped trying and just screamed inwardly for all of this to end, even as he was thrown butt-first onto the shiny floor of the dressing room and swarmed by a crew of no less than six people (one of them told Niniko to "remind me to beat the shit out of myself next time I see him dress like this" beforehand) who proceeded to plaster an obscene amount of make-up on his face and strip him of his clothing and stuff him in an attire that, were the make-up not so thick, he would be visibly blushing: a shrine maiden costume, only the red _hakama_ was so short he risked exposing his underwear if he so much as sat down on a chair. The chrysanthemum ornament with pearl beads in his hair was especially annoying: it felt like it was about to fall off at any moment. _Like, what publication am I supposed to be on? I swear to kami-sama, this must be a photo shoot for a crossdressing fetish porn magazine._ But, before he could utter one word of complaint, things got worse.

The actual photo shoot.

 _Damn, if this is what every model has to go through, then I respect them a little more now,_  Zura thought, every of his joint aching from bending in all sorts of awkward positions upon a fake chrysanthemum bed. Prop your leg up. No, cross them. Nah, that looks stupid. Raise both of them. My god, Katsura-sama, don't spread your arms like that. Put them behind your head. Good, now reach higher. No, higher still. Roll over. Get on your knees. Sit _seiza_. Sit _wariza_. Yadda yadda yadda. Even worse was the way the poses he was instructed to get into got increasingly more sexual. Spread your legs. Lick your fingers. Arch your back. Throw your head back. Put your hands between your legs. For the sake of all that is sane, he was only short of being told to jack off in front of the camera. Zura was almost shaking with anger; _how dare they desecrate the holy image of a_ miko _? Actual shintoists are okay with this?_

(A/n: the photo from that session chosen to be put on the publication was a head shot, surrounded by chrysanthemums, susuki grass and complete with the moon and clouds in the background)

It was finally over, but Zura's limbs were too tired to function. As he and Niniko got on the car, he weakly let out, "Kushifuru-san, I'm sorry but I'm…" but Niniko already interrupted him.

"Alright, time to go home." her voice changed into somewhat seductive as she inched closer to him, "You can get some much-needed rest, and then it will be time for…"

He was already nodding off, much to her annoyance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lackluster chapter :P It seems writing Katsura-otoko has gotten easier than writing Zura.


	4. Chapter 4

" _Ara_ , looks like I've finally lost him. That stupid walking condom." Katsura-otoko looked around and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw no signs of Elizabeth following him, "Damn, and I still haven't gotten my wallet back. How am I gonna go see the babes without any money? Also, all of my important 'secret business' stuff is in there! If I don't get it back sooner…"

He was immediately stopped by two Shinsengumi officers who immediately drew their swords and announced as soon as they saw him, "You are under arrest!"

 _Shit, did they find out? But I thought the Shinsengumi isn't supposed to be involved?_ " _Ara_ , I suppose you don't get laid very often, do you?" Katsura-otoko commented, hiding his ever-growing panic, "If you think black makes everything classy, you're dead wrong. The only thing those lame uniforms tell me is that you guys are the last people I should sleep with."

"Shut up! Now you're also under arrest for sexual harassment!"

"Me? Harasser? Do you know who I am?" that said, he flicked his long, perfectly conditioned hair once, adding a wink for good measure, and all women and a few men on that street fixed their gaze upon him, "I am the cover model on the latest issue of Voguette Japan a.k.a _the god of beauty_! Why would I need to sexually harass anyone when they just automatically fall at my feet?" his voice was drown out by the squealing from the crowd of fangirls (and _boys_ ) he had gathered by the time they recognized who he was.

"We've caught the wrong person? We sincerely apologize!" both Shinsengumi officers said, groveling.

"Too late." Katsura-otoko laughed wickedly, "Now, you know what to do, my loyal _minions_." at that, the fans swarmed and beat the two officers to a pulp, while Katsura-otoko walked away unscathed.

* * *

He sunk deeper and deeper in panic, as his wallet was still nowhere to be found. Once again, he was stopped, not by the Shinsengumi, but by a group of Zura's Joui comrades, looking as if they'd just been thrown into a swimming pool but filled with ink rather than water. "Katsura-san, you abruptly left our meeting right when we need your consultation." one of them said, "Do you know about the recent return of the Paradise dealers and their 'new and improved' drugs? Since the police can't stop them, we must take matters into our own hands before they corrupt the entire Japanese population. You see, after much investigation, we finally found out about the one behind the dealings, the original creator of both Paradise versions." he didn't notice the shock growing on Katsura-otoko's face as he talked, "Turns out, his name is _Konohana Sakuya_ , and the capital S symbol his henchmen wear is the initial of his first name. We also have information on his base of operation, and we want to organize an attack. What should we do? Please let us know, Katsura-sa…"

Katsura-otoko drew his sword, and not another word was said.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER: Zura in a lab coat.

To say that Katsura-otoko's residence was extravagant would be an understatement. Zura had just placed one foot through the cherry-wood door and he felt as if he had entered another dimension. It was unbelievable how a vast home could be built in Edo where there wasn't exactly a lot of space and where real estate was expensive. Hell, the living room was spectacular enough on its own: a large chandelier hanging from the ceiling, European-style decor littering the richly-patterned walls. A large flat-screen TV was situated on one of those walls opposite a set of elegant sofas made from the finest silk adorned with gold leaf cut into complex patterns ("Author, what the hell is with you and your _surihaku_ obsession?"). It took a single look at those beautiful sofas along with equally beautiful cushions to imagine Katsura-otoko reclining upon them in all sorts of lewd poses, and that, of course, made Zura cringe. As if that wasn't enough, an ensemble of hot women in French maid dresses that couldn't possibly get any shorter greeted him as soon as both his feet were inside the door, removing his _haori_ and fixing his hair and bombarding him with endless "Katsura-sama, you are so this, Katsura-sama, you look like that, Katsura-sama, I miss you so much, Katsura-sama, Katsura-sama, Katsura-sama" in increasingly suggestive tones, which earned him a back-burning glare from Niniko who quietly hung her coat on the rack by herself. _This guy can't remember his fiancée's name **and** keeps a harem? Seriously, he is completely sick and perverted!_ Zura thought as the women simply carried him into another room, not even waiting to hear his thought on the entire chaos he was experiencing.

* * *

One more slice of that Kobe beef steak and Zura would drop dead. He barely made it alive through the appetizer, which consisted of caviar and salmon salad, and now his poor delicate tastebuds were under yet another onslaught of overly powerful, if not downright _torturous_ , foreign flavors which were force-fed to him by even more attractive women in skimpy dresses, earning him an even more intense glare from Niniko, who was sipping on miso soup.  _Is it wrong for a celebrity to just have soba noodles for dinner?_ he thought. He decided to just give up trying to resist as, finally, a rich chocolate cake was shoved into his mouth, and it was all over. And he still hadn't put Katsura-otoko's wallet back where it belonged! He stood up from the table, at which point one of the scantily-dressed woman called, "Katsura-sama, where are you going?"

"Shut up! Don't you know what time it is? It's time for his 'secret business'! He's no longer Katsura-sama now!" another woman said. At that, Niniko immediately got up from the table and ran up to his side,

"Please, I beg you, please let me help you…"

Frustrated, he pushed Niniko away, making her fall to the floor, and exited the dining room.

* * *

It took Zura a while to find Katsura-otoko's bedroom, and once he set foot inside it, it amazed him as much as the living room did, what with the king-sized bed and an equally king-sized bookshelf. Once again, it brought to mind the image of Katsura-otoko slithering and crawling and undressing all over the place, so Zura had to try shaking off those disturbing images and focus on the task at hand – return the wallet and sneak away like the escape genius he was. Taking the chic leather wallet from his sleeve, he examined it closely, fingertips tracing the flower pattern on the shiny surface of the leather.

He inadvertently touched the dot in the center of one of the flowers.

A loud, resonating beep could be heard.

Zura wished his eyes were lying to him, because he saw the huge bookshelf moving on its own. It retreated as if it were a sliding door; the whole spectacle felt like it came from those detective movies that his comrades loved beside sappy Korean dramas. Revealed behind those "doors" were, much to Zura's even greater shock, a laboratory which looked squeaky clean and orderly at first glance, with all its vials and tubes and petri dishes and whatnot, but looking closely, the substance they contained spoke of ominousness and evil. A series of chills raced up Zura's spine, but he couldn't walk away. Instead, he found himself stepping into the lab, and instantly two robots looking like Stormtroopers from Star Wars – appropriately with the letter S on their chests – popped out of nowhere, stripping him of his kimono within seconds and replacing it with a crisp lab attire bearing the same S on the left pocket ( _seriously, how many surprise attacks have I gotten today?_ ). As soon as the Trooperbots retreated, he carried on exploring the place. Then, his gaze was immediately caught by a multitude of tiny zip bags, all of them containing some white powder, but were labeled differently. _Maniacal Paradise – Prototype_ , one label said. _Kyun-kyun Paradise – Reject_ , said another one. _Perfect Paradise, Sensual Paradise, Beyond Paradise_ , so on and so forth. He was completely engrossed with this terrifying discovery until he was taken by surprise by the sound of breaking glass.

"Oi, Konohana. Over here."

He turned toward the source of the voice he just heard, and he saw three thuggish Amanto as well as the remains of a beaker near their feet, green liquid once contained in it now running all over the floor. One of them approached him, saying, "As expected of a genius scientist so focused on his work he let three intruders in without even noticing." he then stepped on the beaker shards, crushing them beneath the sole of his shoe, "Now, if you're so hard-working, then why haven't we received the Mesmerizing Paradise prototype you promised us a week ago? Where is it now, huh, scientist?" all three of them moved even closer to him, towering over him, "You think Everlasting Paradise's huge success means you can treat us like shit? I give you three seconds to explain yourself. What do you have to say to us, Konohana?"

Looking straight into the leader's eyes, Zura replied calmly, "Not Konohana, it's Katsura."

Immediately, red flashing light filled the room and the sound of sirens went off. From the ceiling, a cage fell down right where Zura was standing, trapping him inside. "What the…" he said.

The sirens as well as the light were then switched off, and he heard a familiar voice from behind him.

" _Ara_ , I believe you three are talking to the wrong person."


	6. Chapter 6

_Can it be?_ Zura turned around, and just as he expected and _un_ expected, there his doppelgänger was at the door, dressed in the same lab coat as he, the flower-patterned wallet in hand. The only thing setting him apart from Zura right now was the devilish smirk upon his lips.

" _Ara_ , and I thought I'd never see it again. Such luck. I wonder who it was that returned it to me." Katsura-otoko said, looking at the wallet.

"I did." Zura grumbled.

" _Ara_ , if you aren't that guy I saw in the convenience store!" Katsura-otoko laughed, a wicked, sinister laugh, "Oh, how should I thank you for returning this precious baby to me?"

"Release me." Zura commanded.

"Oh, don't be silly. Like hell I'd let you choose your reward. To express my gratitude, I shall properly introduce myself. You must have known me as Katsura-otoko, the Voguette cover model who roused in you an… _interesting_ reaction even though you aren't normally attracted to men. I can read it on your face." he laughed again, "My awesome observation skill should have tipped you off as to what I actually do, no? All that modeling is just a means to raise money for my real job. That name is just a means to shield my true identity. Now that I'm back in my personal haven, it's no longer needed. Have you heard of the original Paradise inventor on the news? Then I tell you, I am him." his smirk grew even wider, "My name is Konohana Sakuya, master scientist, the one behind Paradise, the one who will slowly gain influence over you all!"

"Oh, such a relief to know your real name. The author has been calling me Zura for two chapters and it's getting really annoying." Katsura quipped, "See? Much better now."

" _Ara_ , how dare you not listen to me?" feigning shock, Sakuya drew out his voice, "But now that you're trapped, what can you do, huh, Joui? Wanna stop me from corrupting the entire Japanese population? Sorry, too late. That idiot Daraku's death was just a minor setback. As soon as I'm still kicking, Paradise is going to keep coming back. Are you aware what this god of beauty is capable of now?" he approached Katsura's cage, "The Konohana family has served feudal lords for many generations, but still everyone calls us 'buffoons who sit around looking pretty'. Babes refuse to look at me because I'm 'too girly'. Do you think I am going to just let this happen? No, with my creation along with advanced technology and political power of the Amanto, I am going to gradually exert influence over everyone, and babes everywhere are going to flock to me!"

"But sitting around looking pretty is exactly what you're doing, bastard." Katsura said, "Besides, who said women refuse to look at you? Don't you already have legions of women falling for you on that magazine cover and yet another legion of them at your service? How many more do you want?"

" _Ara_ , I never said I didn't _enjoy_ being beautiful. Thanks to my irresistible Konohana beauty, I quickly climbed to the rank of the supermodels, and I gotta admit, the world of high fashion is endlessly fascinating and that job earns a _lot_. Though I'd actually make more if I whored myself though."

"This is a T-rated fic, bastard!"

"Besides, that many women were still not enough." Sakuya continued, completely ignoring Katsura's complaint, "You know what women are only good for? They are only stepping stones to achieving the true power of a man! The more women a man has conquered, the more influential he is. That is exactly my goal, and there is nothing and no one stopping me from achieving it!" that said, he pressed a flower on the wallet, and the cage trapping Katsura was lifted up.

A brief moment of surprise for him, until Sakuya said, his voice dropped to a menacing low and his expression became even more twisted, "You know that it is often said that meeting one's doppelgänger results in either you or the other person dying within two years? There has never been any scientific conclusion for that issue, and it is something I'd like to look in, but for now, let's just agree with that statement that either of us will die. And that person is going to be you."


	7. Chapter 7

"Like hell I'll let that happen!" cried Katsura, battle spirit coursing through every of his veins… for exactly five seconds before he reached down to his left hip and found that his sword wasn't there, having been taken by the Trooperbots not too long ago. He resolved to swinging his white lab coat, cracking his knuckles and making the most menacing expression he could muster. Sakuya let out another bout of mocking laughter, putting a hand in that annoyingly perfect hair of his and flicked it once again.

" _Ara_ , what's the matter? Can't find your sword? Lucky for you, I'm not too fond of playing dirty, so I'm also ditching my sword." that said, he removed his own sword from under his lab coat and dropped it unceremoniously before a Trooperbot popped out of nowhere to catch it.

"Hey, don't just neglect us! Konohana, you bastard!" the leader of the three Amanto tried to interrupt the confrontation. Sakuya didn't waste his breath with a response; instead, he pressed a button on the remote-wallet, and the ceiling opened above all of them. Another press on another button, and the part of the floor below the three thugs turned into a springboard that tossed them far away into the sky, never to be seen again for the remainder of this story.

"You…" Katsura grunted, "And you said you don't play dirty! I'm going to grind you to a pulp!" he was about to charge at Sakuya when he found himself unable to move – without his knowledge, two small Trooperbots were already restraining his arms.

"That should be my line." Sakuya said before breaking into laughter, deep and seductive _ufufufu_ morphing into full-on _ahahahaha_ , "Look on and despair. This is the fate of intruders who foolishly think they can 'expose' this master scientist." one more beep, and the walls surrounding the lab retreated, the lab itself was then raised much higher than the floor it was originally on, thereby making their confrontation a public spectacle, "Behold…"

He opened the wallet, taking out a small spherical object which he tossed to the ground way below. The second it touched the road surface, it transformed into a gigantic robot whose feet immediately flattened a couple of houses as soon as they touched the ground, whose hands could easily uproot and crush more than a few skyscrapers with ease and whose entire body towered over the city of Edo. Upon seeing the mechanical monster, Katsura tried to wiggle out of the Trooperbots' grasp, "The Harbinger of Obliteration, Destruction and Elimination Robotic Inator, or HODERI!" Sakuya jumped onto the robot's head as he announced, making it kick several terrified citizens and police cars at its feet into the air in the process, "How's that? You can't escape from its crush or its bullets! You can't stop me now, Joui!" he issued another command from the remote-wallet, and guns the sizes of cannons appeared on HODERI's arms. He was sure Katsura was going to be obliterated now… but Katsura was nowhere to be seen, and the Trooperbots were lying broken on the lab floor.

"When you were busy reading the name of that thing, I've already escaped!" Katsura was now safely on the ground, running away from the robot as quickly as possible.

"You!" at this point, whatever sanity Sakuya had left vanished, and he started firing randomly, blowing up a couple more houses. Edo was in complete and utter fray as the giant machine advanced forward, leaving a trail of destruction in its path. Katsura knew he could run away no longer, and he stopped just as the HODERI caught up to him.

"Do you do this every time there's an intruder in your lab?" he shouted, "If that's the case, then I'll gladly let you kill me. Take my life, but don't you dare destroy this city, don't you dare corrupt the Japanese people with your drugs and don't you dare lay another perverted finger upon another woman! You fucking nutcase! You _mad scientist_!"

He was prepared for his oncoming death, but one, two, three seconds later, nothing happened. He looked up; HODERI was grabbed by the neck by another, _much_ taller robot, controlled by no one other than a certain busty bespectacled woman. "Behold my masterpiece, the Hellish Ominous Super Ultimate Sorrowful Extermination Robotic Inator, or HOSUSERI!" she controlled her own robot to slap Sakuya's robot repeatedly before she jumped to Sakuya's place herself and began to slap him repeatedly, "Misogynistic monster of a man! I heard everything you said back there, asshole! So this is the reason why you never let me work with you in the lab, huh? So you view women as just stepping stones to achieve your perverted goal? Then I tell you what, I don't need you, either as a managee or a fiancé! Get the hell out of my life! I'll find another, more worthy scientist to work for!"

The police quickly arrived and sorted things out, while Katsura slinked away unscathed.

* * *

The next day, Katsura was still tired as all hell, but the fate of the country was not something to be taken lightly. He dragged hinself to the Joui headquarters only to have his comrades bombard him with questions and accusations that he "seduced their wives" yet again, sticking yet another magazine article at his face.

His face went red.

It was the image taken of Niniko's underling forcibly carrying him to Sakuya's limo.

He fell into despair, for this time he could no longer argue it wasn't him. Sinking to his knees, he muttered, "Kill me."

**The End.**


End file.
